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"If you know you have BPD or you suspect you have BPD and you're in the market for a new therapist or psychiatrist, please make sure you tell them right away so that they can avoid you." - Daniel Hentschel
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Status:
[23/9/24] (8:23 AM)
i went back to my mum's house last night. i haven't been sleeping well and i just desperately needed to talk to her and hug her.life has been so hard on me lately. to summarise; i lost my boyfriend, he turned out to be a complete narcissist and started showing his true colours, he isolated me from my friendgroup, and now he's dating the girl he told me not to worry about (my "best friend").it's so hard right now. it's so hard to think about how he lied to me about liking her and how he's blamed everything negative that ever happened in our relationship on me. he hasn't apologised for a single one of his actions.anyway, i planned on throwing his stuff out today. as of writing this i didn't have the strength to do it, it's more difficult actually doing it than talking about it. i know i need to eventually, i just need more time.this may be considered weird and stupid but i am going to make a little gallery below of the things that he gave me / shared and the memories associated with them. it's crazy how you can have such good memories with a person who treats you so badly.
anyway
due to my faulty memory some of these may not be in chronological order, but i have tried my best to remember the times when things occurred
this is sort of what started all of this. i can't remember when exactly this happened but it happened some time in 2023. this is half of a sticker that my science teacher gave me that i cut in half and gave the other half to him. it was when ifirst developed feelings for him and i always referred to him as my "BFF" or "bestie" to try and get closer with him and get to know him better.
similar to the above, this was a friendship bracelet that came in a matching set. i gave him one and we both wore them together. i can remember giving it to him, it was a silly and funny moment. this happened sometime in 2023. before he asked me out, i noticed that he would wear more.
this is a plushie turkey that i gave him as a birthday gift along with a couple other things. i remember shopping with my friends to buy silly stuff for him. this was when i kind of tried to hint to him more that i was interested in him, i was too scared to show it any other way. this was very early 2024. he gave this back to me after we broke up.
this is the prints that we got from a photo booth we went in together. originally, when he had asked me out i rejected him because ididnt know if i was ready for a relationship. this was on the 28/3/24 which was about 2 days after. funny enough, his mum was the one who drove me and him to the hang out, and i remember literally feeling like throwing up because i was so nervous sitting next to him in the car. we were hanging out with the friendgroup for a friend's birthday and we went to the photo booths and also the karaoke next door. i remember how nervous i was to be in there with him, we took 8 photos together but we could only select 4 for the prints. when we walked out and continued walking around i couldn't stop looking at the print whenever i could, i was so happy.
this is a very faded movie ticket from the same day as above. we saw kung fu panda 4 for my friends birthday because he is asian... i was sitting next to my now ex and we were holding hands. i remember how he was literally shaking and so was i, it was such a funny moment looking back. after the hangout, his mum dropped me home again and about an hour after that we made it official that we were dating.
another very faded movie ticket. this one is from after the school holidays where i spent a week and a half in townsville with my dad. i remember how excited we were to see each other, i went to tsv the day after we got together so it we missed each other alot. we hung out the day after i returned and we also had one of my best friends and another friend with us. we cuddled for the first time in the cinemas and i can remember how bad my back hurt after it from leaning in an uncomfortable position for over an hour. i remember how giddy i was, and how happy i was to spend time with him again.
i believe that this was also from the same day as above. he got me a slap hand from timezone and i kept slapping everyone with it. he grabbed it and then it broke 💔💔 and then i kept the hand as stuck it on my hand and high-fived people.
this is a fake cigar thing that we got from the dollar store so we could walk around and look stupid. this was on the same day as above and this is before the movie. he got a pipe and i had the cigar.
i had this photo in the back of my clear phone case. i also had a similar one in my wallet that i carried with me. i printed this out with my dad standing behind me, it was scary.
this is the card he wrote for me on our 2 months of being together. i cried reading it because i loved him so much. i treasured just touching the card and holding his handwriting in my hands. i got him gifts too, and i remember how scared i was to give it to him.
this is something that he gave me after he hadn't come to school for about 2 weeks. he was sick and he had felt bad for not coming to school so he made me that. it was the sweetest thing ever.
this is the squishy burger that i bought from the dollar store with him. this was back when i wouldn't shut up about Good Burger and i watched it with him and it was so funny. it exploded and then i had to contain it in a plastic bag. i don't know why i kept it.
this is a business card from an abandoned gym we broke into. we went with one other friend and we just explored the place and messed around with the stuff in there. i also found a light up headband that still worked so i have that somewhere.
this is a piece of paper that i had up on my fridge. he wrote it because there were other notes similar to that on the fridge from my best friend. this is from one of the times he stayed over at my house.
this is a thing i made in woodworks when i was bored. it has one of the nicknames i gave him on it and i made it because i didn't feel like working on my assignment. i meant to give it to him but since he was moving houses he had to unpack and do some stuff first so, i just had it on my wall.
